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Sep. 29th, 2010

Twenty days late, fuck off.

Finally finishing WoS.

Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.
Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.
Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.

Day 5: GREED.
1. A car. Duh.
2. A fake ID, to buy alcohol. I guess I could just say a license, too. xD
4. Full, paid versions of Finale and/or Sibelius.
5. Clothes, clothes, and more clothes.
6. Ten pairs of boots.
7. Karah.<3

1. Phish Food ice cream. BAH.
2. Marijuana, though I haven't smoke in ages, I can't lie...
3. Amaretto and pineapple. HEAVEN.
4. Facebook. Aka, lurkin the fuck.
5. The effect I have on some people. I'm a bad person...
6. Justin Bieber. And the Spice Girls.
7. Lil Wayne<3

1. I've only ever been in love with two people. I'm with one of them now. <3
2. I don't tell someone I love them if I don't mean it. Unfortunately for some, I am one of those people that acknowledge a difference between "loving" someone and being "in love" with them.
3. I fully believe that it's easier for teenagers to fall in love. Consequently, it's also harder for them to stop.
4. I really love Karah. I think she's the one. I may not ever have a relationship with a guy again.
5. That being said, I would fuck the shit out of Lil Wayne. >.>
6. I was starting to like my life single, especially going to college and all. Then Karah showed me love again. And I don't even remember what I liked about being single now.
7. Karah's the ONLY person to EVER make me orgasm. I didn't even know that until she did it. And damn...

Sep. 9th, 2010

WoS: Day Four.

Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.

1. Homework. Until this year. I do my theory shit.
2. Laundry. >.<
3. Taking out my trash.
4. Calling my family. Checking up on things at home.
5. Practicing my music. That needs to change REAL quick.
6. Getting a job. I might be employed one day...
7. Telling people about my gay-thing...

Sep. 8th, 2010

WoS: Days Two and Three.

Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.

1. Katy Perry's voice. I like her style, and I think she's way underrated. But, that's what happens when you sing pop music to the masses.
2. A license and a car. I hate how my sisters were able to get theirs handed to them. I should have too, but someone had to go and completely fuck that up for me...
3. Motivation/inspiration.
4. Those who have a conscience. I wish mine was more active, and not only when I'm on the verge of completely dying...
5. Confidence, and I don't mean like, self-confidence. I mean like confidence to just walk into a room and steal the spotlight. Or at the very least, confidence to sing full out in front of my peers and instructors.
6. Courage. Life and people, generally speaking, scare the shit out of me.
7. The ability to explain myself. I want to be able to verbalize that storm up there.

Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.

1. Taylor White.
2. Dylan Clements.
3. Ruston Gilmore.
4. Dawn Jones.
5. Mike Jones.
6. Samantha Jones.
7. My sleep schedule.

Day 3 was extremely easy. xD

Sep. 6th, 2010

Week Of Sins: Day One.

Week of Sins Challenge
Day 1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself.
Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.
Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.
Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.
Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.
Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.
Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.

Is it ironic that seven happens to be my lucky number...?

So, day one...PRIDE.
1. I love my hair when it's black. And I'm blessed with such great hair. It probably should have fallen out by now, but it hasn't, because it's wonderful.
2. I love the way I sing when I sing opera stuff, or when I sing anything by The Hush Sound. I love being a soprano.
3. I'm an understanding person. Or at least, I try my damnedest to be.
4. I'm hilarious. Just sayinggg.
5. I am the master of procrastination. And yes, that is something GREAT about myself.
6. I am also the master of faking confidence and psyching myself out when I need to.
7. I have great taste in music. Again, jussayin'.

Aug. 13th, 2010

I feel like it.

I'm updating to say that I just made a tumblr, and I don't fucking get it at all. xD
That being said, I'm leaving this house in about...twenty-nine hours? Yeah, I'm fucking scared. Natty is real far away. I'm gonna miss Karah...I've never even tried the whole long distance thing, and I never even wanted to. I guess she's worth it though, I mean, why else would I be willing to try and make it work with her, and fully believe it would, if she wasn't worth it? I just hope she keeps thinking I'm worth it...and I also hope Taylor stops fuckin with her, REAL soon. I'm really starting to hate her...

Anyway, on to other fears. I really hope Lindsay and I's roommates aren't like, homophobic. I also hope they don't hate potheads, because Lindsay is definitely turning into one. And I really hope I like band...actually I better fucking love it. It's taking away from my Karah time. I hope it's worth it.

Oh my God sleeping pills are kicking in and I have to go lay down. >.

Aug. 5th, 2010

A minor update... ;)

So guess who has a girlfriend named Karah Elizabeth James? Yes, that would be this guy. She makes me feel incredible. I have never experienced a love like this before, and I'm absolutely loving this!! She makes me feel perfect, amazing, loved, like I can love again. I used to feel like this with Joseph...I think? I don't even know, honestly. I don't really remember how he made me feel...especially now. Man, it's crazy. I never thought of myself as a bisexual, lesbian, whatever...but hey, don't knock it til you try it? Yeah, whatever. Pahahaha.

Maybe it isn't love. So what if it isn't? What if it's just infatuation...hmm. I don't think I have a problem with that. She makes me happy, that's really all I care about. July 29th, that day changed my life forever. I've shared so much with Karah already...it's crazy.

I want to type a little something about college...but I honestly can't even think about that right now.
I love my girlfriend. SUCK ON THAT.

Jun. 22nd, 2010


I haven't posted a thing in over six months. Actually, a few days short of seven. Damn son. I haven't even really had time though. My life is so filled with VaDrama (vagina drama....HA!) it's unreal. I mean, I never even wrote or said a single word about Taylor or Karah on here, ever. And my life from like February to May revolved around all that shit. Mannnn. Fuuuuck that.

Taylor is my second girl crush. Second after Sarah. I think I almost loved her...I used to think I did. I know now that I didn't. That hoe lied to my for like four months straight. I would type about it, but I really just don't feel like it. I'm too tired and I don't have that much energy anyway, to be telling the story of the last few months. So many lies, and from such a small person! She's such a little cunt. I hate that bitch.

And Karah...I do like her. A lot. But if I get with her, I just as well kiss Audrey goodbye forever. I don't even understand that girl sometimes. You'd think she just wouldn't care, I mean, Karah liked her, but she pushed Karah away. And then Karah to me, and I accepted her. Her loss right? She can really only be mad at herself. She did kinda walk right into it. But of course, she expects me push Karah away like she did, and for the same reasons: Karah's too young, only fifteen, Karah's got "too much drama", Karah has too much extra baggage. Well it's not my fault I can handle it and she can't...but whatever. I probably won't get with her anyway, but honestly that's ONLY because I'm gonna be living four hours away. Not because I think Audrey's right, because she isn't.

Anyway, change of subject. I just went read some other poems from my other account...they're pretty gnarly. Like they're awesome. I let Seth read them, and I think we may write some songs with them. I'm not sure yet. First we need to shoot/upload our covers of "Hallelujah" by Paramore and "Arise" by Flyleaf. Get some feedback then start up. Should be awesome. :)

I know I always say this when I update after having been lost for some time, but I think I need to keep this up. It's so healthy for me. And this is how I got started with the poetry in the first place. And if I wanna be a musician with my brother, I definitely need to commit and stick with it.

But alas, that's all for now. I'm gonna go continue to text Karah then go to sleep, sometime eventually.

Aug. 10th, 2009

Taking a break from As I Lay Dying.

A fine night it is, a fine night.

The sun on the other side, just so
The moon high, just as well
And the stars shining bright but behind dark, rain-filled clouds

And rain that pours
Seeing reflections of the world in every drop

Yet here I stand
Still here
And I see your face if I open my eyes

The puddles will all dry by morning.

Jul. 8th, 2009

The death of a loved one is always hard.

I've never lost someone so close to me.
Not like this.
I'd like to put up some things I posted in blogs on MySpace.
Here goes.

This is the first one I posted.
It's preferred list only on MySpace.

Ich bin klein,
Mein Herz ist rein,
Drum sag ich mit Bedacht
Dir, Jesus, Gute Nacht

Sally JoAnn Seth Jones.
December 22, 1934 - July 5, 2009
We love you, always and forever.


Here is the second one.
Friends only view on MySpace.

Just a few words.
Current mood: crushed
If you haven't heard already and are wondering why I'm so depressed lately, it's because Mimi just died, on Sunday.

Mimi is my dad's mom.
She died of cancer. It started somewhere in her pancreas, they think, but it spread to her lungs before it was caught.
They gave her six months. They were almost right on.
She was always like a second mom to me. If my parents couldn't bring me somewhere, she would. If my parents couldn't get me something, she would.
She did all the things my parents couldn't do themselves.
She provided strength for the entire family.
She was strong enough to pull through anything and everything life threw at her, and then some. She was a giver and provider.
She is lost, but will never be forgotten.

I miss her.
It's affecting me a lot.

I never thought I could miss someone so much.
I feel like there's a whole in my heart, and everything I listen to or see or even think of reminds me of her.

It's kinda scary that my dad is taking it so well.
My Aunt Penny and Uncle Scott (my dad's two older siblings) have taken in very hard. It really is weird that my dad is the calm one in this situation. He's holding his siblings and father together, it seems. They keep telling him that it will hit him later, but he doesn't think so. He draws strength from it. He says it's uplifting..for her. He says he's glad that the pain's gone, and that she can finally get something in return for all she gave in her life.

I'm trying to use my father as an inspiration.
I shouldn't be sad that she's gone.
I should rejoice in her memory.

At her memorial services this weekend, I plan to present a German children's bedtime prayer that she used to always say to me and Seth. I had originally wanted to find one for the departed, but considering I don't know how to speak German, I figured it would be better to recite this one. It holds much more sentiment than any old German prayer or hymn would.
It goes like this:

Ich bin klein.
mein Herz ist rein,
drum sag ich mit Bedacht
dir, Jesus, Gute Nacht.

Or in English:

I am small
my heart is pure
therefore I say with thoughtfulness
to you, Jesus, Good Night.

I'm going to say it after my dad speaks his piece.
I think there are no better parting words.

Wish me luck in drawing strength from these unfortunate events.
I really hope I'll pull through alright.

Jun. 3rd, 2009

Here we go again... *public

I always said the past should be irrelevant, that who we are not is not necessarily who we were way back when.
Why is it hard to practice what I preach?
I have multiple emotions going right now, and he has such horrible timing...
Hm. Kinda seems like you always have bad timing doesn't it? Maybe, if you had done things right the first time, and not "lied to yourself" for over a year, shit wouldn't be this way. But be that as it may, that's not what it is. It is what it is. And it's not pretty.

I honestly don't know what to do. I definitely know what I should do, I know what I can do, I know what I want to do. I don't know what I will do, however... You know, I've always been a quite logical thinker. But I have definitely not always acted logically. Hmm...what will I do now? It's impossible to know.

Just know that regardless, you still break my heart when you say shit like that. >.

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